Change is scary. I think it gets scarier as I get older because the change is more defining. Today, I took a big leap into change. For the first time in my professional career, I have resigned a job because I found one better suited for me. Not because I was moving or bumped. And it's one of the most terrifying things I have done in a long time.
In my heart, I know this is the right thing to do. I am ready for a new challenge. This will help me grow professionally and get me on a better path to administration. But, my heart is conflicted because I love the students at Willow Hill. I love the staff. I love what the school stands for and the changes I have seen in the students over the three years I have been there. I am so proud of them and everything they accomplished. I cried like baby at graduation this year; those were students from my first year.
I will be teaching at Lawrence High School's International School this year, leaving the small confines of Willow Hill's population of sixty students. I am still not sure exactly what I will be teaching: "The American Dream" in a regular education classroom or several English and academic support classes in a special education classroom. I figure I'll just let life take me on this journey and see where I end up. Either place is fine by me.
I cried this morning as my letter of resignation was faxed off. It felt more permanent than I was prepared for. It might have been easier if I was leaving because I did not like my job, but that is not the case. Sometimes doing the right thing for yourself doesn't feel good in the beginning. But, I have confidence that it will feel good once I get into school and in the swing of things.
I am not the same teacher or person who entered Willow Hill three years ago. I am more patient and tolerant of the differences in others. I am more willing to find the way a student learns best and tailor assingments. I am a mother who understands why parents are so protective of their children. I have a new Master's Degree. And I can't wait to see what changes lie in store for me with this next adventure.
Congratulations, Erin, on recognizing that you are different and despite the love for the job, having the courage to move on to something bigger and better for you. I had to be pushed out of the nest with mine - so when I was laid off last year it felt like a horrible breakup. But, in the end, I'm on a path to something that is a much better fit for me and allows me to make an even greater impact on the lives of those I was working so hard for at CFF. I could have avoided a few years of stress if I had done what you had the strength to do. :-)
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