The Last Day of Baby

Today is the last day of Robbie's first year, and I am not coping well. At all. I'm worried about whether or not I paid enough attention this year and if I took too much for granted. I'm teary because now I have a little boy and not a baby. And I'm utterly distraught because, well, I don't know. I just am. Perhaps those of you who have been through this can help explain it to my husband because he keeps trying to figure out what he did wrong.

Don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled that Robbie survived his first year with two yahoos as his parents. According to Zhining, it might have been touch and go for awhile, as American parents are not as smart as their Chinese counterparts. Robbie came into this world with a father who had never changed a diaper on a real baby and a mother who couldn't seem to soothe him. He entered a house with a dog who didn't understand why the new pet got so much attention. Yes, it's remarkable that we've all adjusted so well.

Justin is now a champion diaper changer, and I am the only person in the house who can effectively soothe the baby -- with the exception of Grover, who has thought she was his mother since we brought him home. In fact, the cat used to sit on the other side of him as he nursed, giving me a look that said, "Isn't this tough? Thank God we have each other." And, Grover, I couldn't agree more. And as for Barkley, well, he and Robbie have a nice co-existence. Robbie checks to see if either Justin or I is looking and then ducks below the table to hand off whatever he is eating to Barkley. Barkley positions himself at Robbie's left side, strategically under the table so we can't see him, ready to take any undesired food off young Robert's hands.

This time last year, Justin and I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. In fact, this time last year, I hadn't even had an epidural yet. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. As I write this, I had already been in labor for 37.5 hours and still had nearly ten hours left to go. There was a lot of crying when the midwife told me I needed an epidural. I'm not even sure I can write the things I told her on here... And the things I said when they actually gave me the epidural? I may very well have a one-way ticket to hell for that. I'll never forget Justin's face; he was stuck somewhere between helpless, horrified, and panicked. But bless his heart for not leaving the room when they gave me the epidural. He's still getting points for that one.

And now, not to leave you wanting more, but I think I'll spend some of Robbie's last day as a baby watching him as he sleeps. I don't want to let another moment slip by. There are only so many left. And then I think I'll be ready to move on to having a little boy and all the adventures I know we'll have.